Mike Benson’s Blog

Okay, I’ll admit it. I was not a big Christmas fan and I don’t think I am alone in this. When you are out shopping not many people are having a good time. They all look like they are stressed. Knockdown fights over Elmo, drunk eggnog celebrants getting busted by cops, people stealing delivered packages from your doorstep and many other Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Chanukah or whatever it is you celebrate aren’t you happy you do this activities.

I personally celebrate Christmas so your going to get my solution from that perspective (No offense but I’m not real Politically Correct).

A few years ago, I was bummed that I was not excited about Christmas and really wanted to figure out why. I had very fond memories of Christmas as a child so I tried to figure out what was so different. Was it that I was a kid and wanted to believe in Santa? Was it that I was a kid and got cool toys? Hey wait a minute here, I did not get a lot of toys; we were poor. You got a couple of things that Mom or Grandma could pick up at the five and dime but that was about it. Mom did not get anything because us kids did not buy her anything. But she loved it anyway.

That’s when it hit me, when I was a kid it was not about stuff. It was about a couple of days off school a Charlie Brown Christmas tree and singing carols out of key with the rest of the family. Modern Christmas for most of us is just a big gift exchange.

I have a friend that every year I would get him a $100 gift certificate to a computer store and he would get me the same. I spend some money on someone and they spend a like amount on me. We all hate the shopping, the stress, and the wrapping so how about this, we won’t do it.

Two Christmas seasons ago, I proclaimed to my family that we won’t do adult gifts and don’t want any from anyone else! In an attempt to mimic my childhood Christmases, I really cut back on my budget for the kids. Now instead of 50 or so things they would get less than 10, most small gifts and one or two moderate sized gifts each. Basically, give the holiday back to the kids.

This went over fine with most people. These were the best Christmases I have had in a long time. There was no stress, no associated debt or spending and people were here just to be here with everyone else.

Where has this failed? Some families do not have relationships, they only define love through things. Unfortunately books like The Five Love Languages¹ have told us that it’s fine if thats the way you are. That’s bull-s%#t if you define love through stuff you’re lost. If you have to be bought like a prostitute or stripper then guess how people will treat you. There is no genuine concern. I realize this last is a bit harsh but that’s how it is.

Here is my reasoning, if there are people with a real need, I purchase them things during the year. They don’t ask and if possible I don’t tell them who did it. I do it because they are in need and I can help (See Matthew 6:1-4). I don’t need to buy the people that are close to me, they are close to me because we communicate and have a relationship not a stuffship.

Helping someone could be little things like helping with a computer, moving a bed, shoveling their walk, or watching their pets and/or kids on very short notice. It could also be something major like paying a looming bill or providing comfort during a time of loss. You should always try to do these things anonymously or as quietly as possible so you are not doing it for the recognition but for the relationship. Do it because you genuinely care.

Even if you do things anonymously, your relationship with the other person will be strengthened. This is because to do something anonymously you have to really communicate with someone to figure out how to do it, that communication will strengthen your relationship.

I think if you try this you will find out what is important to your family. If everyone is disappointed that you did not get them something then you should really try and build relationships with them, because right now you have a stuffship. If you have relationships then it should be enough that you all get to spend some quality time together, talking and being with each-other.

I realize that this is a difficult thing, all the commercials tell you that if you care you will buy them something. That’s just commercials telling you how to run your life, ignore them and do the right thing.

¹I have read The Five Love Languages and realize this is not what it says but that is how it tends to get interpreted.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 28th, 2006 at 8:06 pm and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.